Here's what I learned during Lent this year: I cannot do it. Even my most strong-willed attempts to give up something or to focus more on Christ have ended in failure, and on most days, I don't even care. I have so many excuses for my sin, so many ways that I can nuance it so that it isn't so stark. Most days, I am comfortable (not holy, but comfortable).
For some reason, I thought Holy Week would be different. If Lent is the marathon, and Holy Week is the sprint, surely, I thought, surely Holy Week could be different. (And, to judge by Pinterest and Facebook, for other people, it was.) Somehow I thought I could squeeze in a meditation or morning prayers at school, or something to mark this week as essential to my year.
But, this is what I've been meditating on this week: Completely random and incomprehensible accidents that lead to death. Denominational infighting that makes the cause of Christ seem like a joke. The myriad ways we've devised to utterly wreck our own lives, and the lives of others. And on Good Friday, I think this might be the right place to be. The weight of my own helplessness to fix myself or to help others is pressing in on me, and I see the darkness that is Friday. What I'm praying for is that I will also see the beauty and hope of Sunday.
For some reason, I thought Holy Week would be different. If Lent is the marathon, and Holy Week is the sprint, surely, I thought, surely Holy Week could be different. (And, to judge by Pinterest and Facebook, for other people, it was.) Somehow I thought I could squeeze in a meditation or morning prayers at school, or something to mark this week as essential to my year.
But, this is what I've been meditating on this week: Completely random and incomprehensible accidents that lead to death. Denominational infighting that makes the cause of Christ seem like a joke. The myriad ways we've devised to utterly wreck our own lives, and the lives of others. And on Good Friday, I think this might be the right place to be. The weight of my own helplessness to fix myself or to help others is pressing in on me, and I see the darkness that is Friday. What I'm praying for is that I will also see the beauty and hope of Sunday.
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