"Father is as much as verb as mother..."

I left class and checked in on facebook (a failing, I know). I scanned my feed and clicked on Chimimanda Adichie's Manifesto for Raising a Feminist Child, and stopped short at her second point:

Do it together. Remember in primary school we learnt that a verb was a ‘doing’ word? Well, a father is as much a verb as a mother.

My immediate thought (reading this after a lecture to my Psychology of Gender class), was that they're not the same sort of verb at all. We use "father" in the same sense that we use "begat," a one-time, limited act of generating a child. But when we use "mother"as a verb, we focus on ongoing nurture and care. But maybe that's her point--the difference between the verbs shouldn't be that extreme.

I am so thankful that the most important fathers in my life, my own dad, Nathan, and my husband, Ben, do not take the typical view of the verb father. For them, fathering is a continued outpouring into their children's lives.

From my dad I learned that to father is to provide middle-school algebra help when your daughter can't understand what Mr. Bertrand is talking about at all; cooking meals for years, even if the audience is unappreciative; phone calls twice a week every week through college; letting your daughter make her own way.

From my husband I've learned that to father I've learned that to father is to not pretend that you're asleep when the baby cries; taking the kids to the ER; coaching soccer week after week with angst-ridden middle schoolers; listening to little ones sound out words.

Adichie is right. Father is a verb. I'm blessed that the fathers I've known do it well.